sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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