in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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