You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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