Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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