So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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