it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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