VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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