Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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