i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
