she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
