She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i came on her dog
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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