No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
