I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
