I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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