Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
