dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
