go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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