This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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