I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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