i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
