She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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