That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
