You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
