i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
