i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
