i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
