Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
