dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
