White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize