After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
