please come you make the beer taste better
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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