so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You smell like stripper and shame
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
