That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
