a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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