i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
