I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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