It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
