My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
