remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
