and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
