Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
