I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
