My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
