OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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