Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
