So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
