please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
