...so i touched it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
