What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
