i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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