I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
