Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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