Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
then he tried to convert me to islam
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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