you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
