ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
