She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
