There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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