OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
