last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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