The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
