I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
