whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
