dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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