Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
