Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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