Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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