just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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