I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
