Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize