are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
