at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
