i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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