According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm too high and old for this...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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