So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
