am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
