morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
