I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
