Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
