i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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