So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
