Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
