Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
