I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
